Flashback

I sat at the breakfast table eating dry cereal and reading from Lenski's commentary on Mark's gospel when I had a flashback. It was about fifty years ago and I was a very young "preacher boy" (that what they called us in Texas) heading out on Sunday morning to lead worship at a country church near Huntsville and preach to its active membership of about fifteen people. I preached with vigor a gospel I had experienced but knew almost nothing about. At that point I had never read the New Testament, much less the entire Bible! Yet I was captivated by what I did know and I wanted everyone else to know it too. Now I am older--considerably older-and I have spent my entire ministry (that is to say, my life) pouring over those ancient texts. They are personally more exciting than ever to me, but I have noticed a change in what attracts me. Early on I spoke to as many people as I could about being converted and serving the Lord and now I speak to as many people as I can about the kingdom of God…about heaven.

I still believe in conversion and service, about loving God with all one's heart and loving one's neighbor (including one's enemies) as oneself. Those convictions are firmly lodged in my heart…and it will take considerably more than the current flap about the so-called gospel of Judas to shake them. (I have been through many of these intellectual gales teaching at a college and then a graduate school; none of which as yet qualified as a storm.) I know Jesus came to us, taught us, died and rose for us, and ascended for us. That's good news indeed! Without that, my newer interest would not be possible. How can one be intrigued with heaven without heaven being planted in one's heart? But then, how can one follow Jesus without following Him all the way to His "Father's house?" When I was young, even middle-aged, it was easy to focus on evangelism; now it is easier to focus on worship and the kingdom. I know I ought to be better balanced, and perhaps you are. I say it to my shame, I suppose, but I leave most of the evangelism to Christians with more energy and I address myself to those who are, as Charles Wesley says, "on the brink."

Its not a bad place to be…"on the brink," nearer old Job's "king of terrors," Paul's "last enemy." Of course, Francis of Assisi calls death "Sister Death," but not many are on such friendly terms with the grim reaper. Still, all in all, being closer to the kingdom… and knowing you are closer to the kingdom is not all that bad. It's not a matter of "sucking it up" and "being brave", it is rather having confidence in the promises of God and wanting to be with Him, to see Him as He is, to join with all those who have made the transition from here to there and rejoiced in the hope of the new land, so to speak, to experience first hand the joys of being a whole person as God intended in the first place. Personally, I am growing a bit tired of a body that seems to delight in chronic pain, of straining to remember commonplace things (and names!), of a society that seems to think having nuclear weapons a great thing, of the random and senseless violence of psychopaths, of growing child abuse, of manipulative struggles among important people for prominence and power, misunderstandings in families. Change it then, you say. Chances are I have spent more years attempting social change than you have!

Maybe there are times and seasons. Maybe I am looking more at the sky than at the earth. I know I have a different longing these days, and it makes my life better, not worse. I feel energized, excited, hopeful. I see possibilities for you and me, even for the populations of the nations, especially poorer peoples. I sense that justice is just over the horizon, not slapping someone in jail for a few years or even putting them on death row, but standing before God with their sins in their hands, and the Hebrews writer says it is a terrible thing to fall into the hands of a living God! [May God have mercy on us all!] I sense the first stirrings of real and lasting peace. I hear the faint sound of deep joy and fulfillment. And, not the least, I sense the fundamental truth of the strange language of the Book of Revelation: "God shall wipe away all our tears, and there shall be no more death. Mourning, crying, and pain shall cease, for the former things will pass away."

The newspaper this morning contains a lot of difficult news. It is the news we have come to expect, news about betrayal, strong arm tactics, mental agony, and disappointment. There are some good things too, but not many. The readings in Mark's gospel for Tuesday of Holy Week are filled with tension and a looming feeling of terrible death. But we have the end of the story-which is our beginning-that He rose from our biggest threat and will welcome us to Himself at the proper time, that human life does not end in darkness, but in Christ ends in light. That's not a bad message! That's a pretty good hope! That is something to live for-and die in!

Jerry L. Mercer